About comfort zones and decisions

Whenever I really need to focus on one thing in my life, my head starts spinning and I can’t stop thinking about thousands of other things. Even though I know this one thing is really important right now, I simply can’t stop my thoughts. Maybe some of you know what is important for me at the moment – I started writing my bachelor thesis.

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shot on Olympus Mju 1, Berlin, March 2019

Once again I can’t believe how time went by and that I’m about to end three years at university. It’s a good thing. I waited for this a longer time now, because at the end of the road there’s one thing in sight. Freedom. Not in the sense that I didn’t like going to university, I really did, more in the sense that I will finally have all the time to focus on projects I’m passionate about. About a year ago I fully started freelancing with some jobs on Instagram, and since last summer I got more and more into illustration, got my own online shop, did my first solo exhibition and a few weeks ago I also had a group exhibition at House of Vans in Berlin. This was a huge opportunity for me, showing my art next to artists that are well known in the scene of street art and graffiti. And I honestly never imagined that something like this would happen.


shot on Olympus Mju 1, Cologne, April 2019

And now I’m sitting here, on my desk at home, and actually should be sitting in the library working on my thesis. But if I don’t do these little things like writing, or sketching, I can’t give 100% writing my thesis – which is normal and ok I guess. And it kind of clears my head, once I wrote down my thoughts, it’s seems a little emptier upstairs in that chaos in my head. Well, that’s actually not where I wanted to get with this blogpost. My head spins around other things: the freedom ahead gives me a lot of opportunities. As a native of the digital age, I could go wherever I want to go, still sketching on my iPad, still writing this blog post – location-independent. Which automatically makes me face the question: where do I want to go? Or: do I even want to go?


Shot on Olympus Mju 1, Rome, March 2019

Not long ago I wrote about Cologne, the city that will always have my heart, about the place I call home. And not too long after I wrote that, something started to change. I feel too comfortable. I have to admit that I definitely am in that so called comfort zone. I know alle the heartwarming people, I have a solid circle of friends, I have my favorite spots, I know where to get good food, I always know what happens. It’s beautiful! And first and foremost… it’s easy. No need to look for anything, because I got all of it – right in front of me. Why look for anything else?

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Fabi, shot on Olympus Mju 1, Berlin, March 2019

There it is, my dilemma: One the one hand, I feel at home. I feel comfortable, being the person I am, totally arrived where I intended to be. On the other hand, something whispers: what else is there? Is there something else? Is there maybe something… better? And as soon as I only thought of that word “better” I feel bad. Why always look for something better, when you got everything? Why isn’t “good” enough? It’s the decision between jumping in that ice cold water another time, going somewhere else, forcing yourself to get used to a different environment meaning city, people, and jobs. Or is it just expanding your horizon? Thinking outside the box? And whenever it doesn’t work out, there will always be a way back.


Shot on Olympus Mju 1, Rome, March 2019


There are days I really feel like it’s time for me to leave everything behind. And there is not one single reason for it. There are thousands of reasons to stay. And it doesn’t make sense in my head at all. And then there are these days, where I feel like I never want to leave this city. These days come and go. And make me agonize. And who the hell will tell me what is the right thing to do? No one. I can just find the answer myself. I’m looking for it quite a while now. And anyway – there probably isn’t right and wrong, like always in life. I read a quote by Deepak Chopra a few days ago that completely described my inner chaos of thoughts right now. It goes “If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.”


Zarah, shot on Olympus Mju 1, Cologne, March 2019

To end this post with something, because it obviously won’t be a decision, I think listening to yourself will always be essential. A couple of weeks ago I had a situation, irrelevant what exactly happened. I didn’t listen to my inner gut. And for a few days, it seemed my inner gut was wrong, and how I dealt with the circumstance was right. In the outcome of the situation, of course (!) my inner gut was right. And in this case: yes, there is a right and a wrong. That would be my plea. Whenever you’re not sure how to decide, I think there is always a tiny tiny inner voice or feeling telling you what to do. Find time and especially silence, to hear it. Don’t rush, don’t move in disturbing surroundings. Encapsulate. I’m sure you can hear it. To be honest, a tiny tiny fraction of feelings is telling me something too. And sometimes, it can be really exhausting to live in the process of making a decision. It is very soothing to decide, just to get that feeling of being torn between two things out of your head. Once you decided, you’re relieved – or you notice you should’ve decided differently. Let go of fear, “wrong” decisions turn out “right” because it’s the best way you’ll learn.

“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others’ prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.” – Roy T. Bennett


Shot on Olympus Mju 1, Rome, March 2019


Benni, shot on Olympus Mju 1, Cologne, April 2019


Chris, shot on Olympus Mju 1, Cologne, April 2019


Jaqui, shot on Olympus Mju 1, Rome, March 2019

Etepetete – saving organic groceries | Advertisement

How often do you throw away groceries? No one really counts that, but it sure happens to every one of us. And we know: it happens way too often. Whether we didn’t organize our food consume for an upcoming week and just bought too much, or waited to long to cook a dish and precious fruits and vegetables tainted, lots of groceries find their way into garbage bins while uncountable people on the other side of the planet would have been more than thankful for these. In this situation it’s on us to visualize in which privileged society we live in. How ironic and sad it is, to even have the option to throw away food. Not only end consumers waste food, tons are thrown away in the whole supply chain. Processed with VSCO with k3 preset

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I found some interesting and devastating world hunger statistics on the website of the food aid foundation. 795 million people in the world do not have enough food to lead a healthy active life. That’s about one in nine people on earth. The vast majority of the world’s hungry people live in developing countries, where 12.9 percent of the population is undernourished. Can you believe that roughly one third of the food produced in the world for human consumption every year, approximately 1.3 billion tonnes, gets lost? Fruits and vegetables have the highest wastage rates of any food. Food loss and waste also amount to a major squandering of resources, including water, land, energy, labour and capital and needlessly produce greenhouse gas emissions, contributing to global warming and climate change. “Food loss refers to any food that is lost in the supply chain between the producer and the market. This may be the result of pre-harvest problems, or problems in harvesting, handling, storage, packing or transportation. Tomatoes crushed during transport because of improper packaging is one example of food loss. Food waste, on the other hand, refers to the discarding of food that is safe and nutritious for human consumption.  Food is wasted in many ways: Fresh produce that deviates from what is considered optimal in terms of shape, size and color, for example is often removed from the supply chain during sorting operations. Foods that are close to, at or beyond the “best-before” date are often discarded by retailers and consumers. Large quantities of wholesome edible food are often unused or left over and discarded from household kitchens and eating establishments. And this is where the Start Up Etepetete comes into play. (Source: Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations)

A few weeks ago Etepetete came up to me introducing their company. Since 2014 they questioned food waste and had the vision to create a nationwide, organic food box containing raw food collected from 100 percent organic farmers in Germany. Without much float they crowdfunded their idea and started packing up boxes with help of friends and family in 2015. Etepetete started to hire staff, and slowly they made their way from their own warehouse in Munich, Germany, to the point where they saved 1.3 Million kilograms of fruits and vegetables.

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With a network of organic farmers Etepetete created a safe haven for raw food looking a little more extravagant, but tasting the same as perfectly shaped, shiny food in a supermarket. Not only by avoiding food waste the company impresses with sustainability, but also because of a much shorter supply chain and plastic-free, recyclable packaging. You can chose the date of delivery and also pick a box: Vegetable boxes, fruit boxes, mixed boxes and raw food ones – each in different sizes between 4 and 7 kilogram. Currently Etepetete is working on the possibility to pick certain types of vegetables and fruits and the option to send back the empty package.

A couple of days ago I read a sentence on social media that really impressed me. We don’t need a handful of people being perfectly sustainable, we need millions of people doing it imperfectly. You can start today and do something that your future self and also people living in our future will thank us for. And I believe every tiny step in the right direction, getting more aware of how we consume and how to do it better, makes also our beautiful planet and life a little better. And we should not forget how far we’ve come: There are people out there with amazing ambitions. The people of Etepetete are part of it, and they need our support!

You can find out more about Etepetete on their Website or check their Instagram. This post was written in cooperation with Etepetete and is unpaid advertisement.



Film photos ’18

Hello and welcome back. It’s been very quiet on this blog in the past months. The reason for this is not that I don’t enjoy writing anymore, I actually really do and drafted a few posts, but didn’t publish them. I think the expectations I have to myself and my standards are a little higher these days and I only want to show you what convinced me to be a blogpost worth reading and maybe taking a little something from it. Which may be a reminder, just something to stir your thoughts and your imagination. My goal is to get people inspired and not only leave them with something written that is forgotten as soon as the tab is closed. I don’t want to write something just to write something.

Not sure though if this inspires you, it really made me think about my past year, the friends and experiences I made and brought back some memories that I don’t want to miss. I’m not a fan of end-of-year reviews, especially on social media it honestly annoys everyone, but this is my personal one. I love taking film photos and some days and nights I took some photos which I now scanned and want to show you. I don’t like writing diary as well, but somehow I like the combination of my film photos and the memories linked to them. If I’m not content with my written posts, I can tell you something by showing these images, right?

I didn’t bring my camera everyday or each time I hung out with friends or went to an event or festival. But the times I did, I think some really nice and authentic shots came around. Film photos often catch real moments in which people are just in the present and don’t pose in any way. Not everyone that had an impact in my life 2018 is on these photos, but I guess I got most of them 🙂 Enjoy!




About overcoming fears

As long as I can think I’ve been drawing. Art and illustration is my passion, it’s the only thing I’m sure about, it’s the only thing that makes me feel calm. Calm in a sense that there is nothing else that can compete with the way I love sinking in movements of brushes with color. I compare it with meditating even though I wouldn’t contend what meditation is. It’s my safe place. And a lot of people don’t know that I always downplayed my own skills or talent. Giving up on my uncertainty and extreme humility was not one step, it was a process. Not saying humility isn’t important, but from that point of insecureness about what I did and still do, art I would say, to the point where I know what I want to do and achieve with it I had to overcome my own fear. I was scared of not being good enough, about not having enough possibilities in my future and the appraising looks from other people.

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with one of my work colleagues. We were talking about our future plans and she mentioned that what she was doing right now wasn’t what she actually wanted to do with her life. She said usually, she had have had other plans, waiting for the right moment to change tack, to end things that didn’t satisfy her and start the things that fulfill her. I know we live in a society where we’re often looking for something better. A better partner, a better living situation, a better life. It’s put in our mind every day that we could exchange the life we live right now. But that’s not easy, money plays a big role and often a seemingly perfect life displayed on social media or in movies isn’t that perfect at all – it’s just our twisted perception caused by dissatisfaction and the unhealthy but never ending comparison to other people. 

That being said, I wanted to be getting at something else. The girl I was talking to doesn’t necessarily want a better (whatever that is) life, she just wants a different one. She knows what her passion is, her dream, but she’s not on the way of pursuing this dream. Why? There is only one good reason for it: she’s scared. Scared of all the things that might happen to her, in other words, that she might fail. And I know this fear very well. Fear is for me some kind of inner demon that belongs to yourself. It will probably never leave your mind, it’s symbolically adnate to your personality. It can also drive you to do things that can be good. But not always.In that moment talking to her I felt exactly what she was feeling. She was so honest and I could put myself in her shoes a hundred percent. There have been so many situations in my life where I was too scared to do something, to make a decision or just try. But the moments I did try, I was always glad I took the chance. Of course, sometimes we fail. Isn’t failing better than never getting that „what if?“ out of our minds? It’s so damn human to create this mirage, a special moment in our near future in which we imagine to finally do “it”, finally step out of our monotone whitewashed lifes and get what we were waiting for all along.

Often, the expectation is that we just have to overcome some thing, and some condition is getting better. We stay passive, just wait for the next thing happening. It’s a certain point in our life we’re awaiting. But truth is, this certain point never comes. As long as we don’t break out of everyday life and do things that scare us, not one thing will change. It takes courage, a lot of courage, but it’s worth it. And I believe we can learn to be brave. The first step is to put all your apologies you tell yourself to the side. There always is a reason for not tackling something. But honestly.. that’s all bullshit.Why are we always so pessimistic about an outcome? The negative result is just one option of various ones. Why can’t we trust that everything might go right? Steve Jobs once said the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that do. And that’s the same with fear, isn’t it? If we’re always scared of the next big step in our life and stay in out little bubble, our comfort zone, we’ll never experience something new, and we will never really change something. Things might stay ok. But ok is not what your life should be like, right?

One of my favorite German child book authors Cornelia Funke said that the only thing standing between us and our lives is our own fear. It’s our little demon, the devil sitting on our shoulder. If we indulge, we’re feeding the fear. There is no change in life without paying with fear and it makes one feel incredibly happy and free to do things we are scared of. I think this is so true and I encourage everyone to overcome their fears. That’s how we grow. Everything we want is on the other side of fear – and what would we do if we weren’t afraid? There is always a way back if you fail. There are always people who help you get up when you fall. If it’s still in your mind, it’s worth taking the risk. 

Slow fashion – Kleiderei | Advertisement

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We live in a very fast and globalized world, in a consumer society in which we buy more than we need. We can have it all – so why not purchase it? It’s never been that easy to get something you want right now, online or offline, you can wear it tomorrow. The fashion industry has become an object of luxury. We don’t need clothes in order to survive, we ‘need’ them to be fashionable, appreciated or simply because our society expects us to buy more and more and exchange clothes even there’s no actual reason for it. Retailers sell fashion at low prices, and what still seems hard to understand for a lot of people is that we actually pay a bigger price: our environment. For a couple of years now several sustainable brands came up and second hand fashion got more attractive, especially for younger generations. It’s on us to obtain the world we live in, and to change the fashion industry could be seen as one of the big challenges our future generation will have to cope with.

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Photo by Theresa Damen ; Jacket from Kleiderei

A lot of people are aware of what happens when retailers sell the latest fashion: child labor, exploitation and pollution of the environment. But I also think a lot of people don’t know what can be done to not be a part of it, or at least how to find options that are not part of a huge catch-22. Obviously, flew markets, swap meets and (online) second hand stores are a great option. But since it’s hip to wear ‘vintage’ clothes, a lot of people start making money with it. They open up store chains, sell second hand clothes at prices that are way too high, and the worst thing: they get clothes from all over the world, even countries thousands of miles away. If vintage fashion is flown or shipped in, the meaningful aspect of why we all want to wear second hand clothes gets lost, doesn’t it?

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Photo by Thilo Wilcke ; Hat from Kleiderei 

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Photo by Jaqui Dresen ; Dress from Kleiderei

A couple of months ago Lena, the owner of the Kleiderei shop in Cologne contacted me whether I would be interested in collaborating. I heard about the concept of Kleiderei before, but wasn’t too sure what it was all about. Kleiderei was founded by two students in 2012. The concept is simple: you pay a monthly contribution to borrow 4 different garments (online or offline, the contribution is higher when ordering online as they need to pay for mailing). At the end of four weeks you give them back to the shop and you can borrow your next 4 garments. It works like a library, only for clothes. It’s possible to keep one item for a longer period or purchase it. Simple, right?

Kleiderei also works with charity partners and only provides clothes which origin from donations. If you have too many clothes and want to make a contribution to local (or national) second hand shops, Kleiderei is a wonderful option! They cooperate with various foundations (e.g. Deutsche Kleiderstiftung) and as well support a charity fighting for woman rights in the fashion industry. The durability of a garment is maximized as they only use second hand clothes. That’s the most sustainable way of consuming fashion. Pretty impressive!

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Photo by Theresa Dahmen ; Jacket from Kleiderei

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Photo by Martin Bregulla ; Shirt+bag from Kleiderei

I can highly recommend you Kleiderei as I already lowered my consume of fashion. If there is a possibility to slow down the fashion industry and familiarize people with sustainability and eco-friendly clothing, the first step is to buy, or in this case borrow, second hand clothes. As you can see in these pictures I found super nice habiliments at Kleiderei and can only encourage you to question your consume of fashion. To be honest and keep this post as transparent as possible: I don’t have clay feet regarding this topic, I still buy clothes from retailers (even though I try to minimize that) and in the supply chain I still leave my ecological footprint. Sustainability is a huge and complex topic, there need to be changed so many things in the future, but as an individual we can still make a change. Even if it’s a small one. Same thing with consuming food, traveling and being attentive with our environment. But that’s a different topic. Start somewhere, it’s always better than nothing.

You can find the Kleiderei store here: Venloer Str. 459, 50825 Cologne, visit their website or check out their Instagram. This post was written in cooperation with Kleiderei and is advertisement.


Photo by Tilo ; Dress from Kleiderei

some place I call home

More than 4 years ago I moved to Cologne. I finished school and an apprenticeship and felt like it finally was time to leave the place I grew up, went to school and called home. I got approved to a full time job in a city I had never been to. Growing up on the countryside I never even lived in a big city before. I had no idea what was going to happen, all I knew was that I was in desperate need of a new experience, something challenging and exciting. Of course that’s what everyone feels like after finishing school. You feel unbelievably free and independent, finally released from a time of 13 years you can’t just quit, even though you rebel against it. But I think at this point it’s always a huge step to really do it. I was really young and scared. To not find any friends, to not feel welcome in a strange surrounding, to just not like it. What would I do if that happened? I had to go back where I came from – which was not an option. Scared and hopeful to make the best of it, I packed my stuff and said hello to Cologne.

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You might wonder why am I thinking of all this. Tomorrow I’m moving to a different place. I’m not leaving Cologne, but I’m entering a new time frame of my life in Cologne so far. Something new, exciting and challenging. Maybe it’s something that makes sense to me only, but each time I moved in Cologne, a new period of my life started. Probably some incidents overlapped somehow, but important events occurred when I moved. That’s why it has some kind of meaning to me. This should not be a biography, I just want to tell you my experience and maybe, at the end, you can take something with you from reading it. It may be a question mark – it may be a smile 🙂

My first move to Cologne to an outer district was magical, I felt like I finally arrived the place I was longing for. Right from the start I got to know warmhearted people, especially one girl I am still good friends with. She’s the person I knew from the beginning and went through all my different periods with. I had a circle of friends built up by colleagues from work. Slowly meaningful friendships evolved. My friends got mixed up by friends of friends and other people, I got more into partying and got to know people I still hang out with today. The fear not to find friends vanished. My 3 roommates and I lived in a house which was huge, we had a big cellar where we threw housparties with more than 100 people. After a year I quit my job and moved into a nicer area close to the city center.The second flat was beautiful, close to university and in an area with lots of students. I lived together with two guys and didn’t really have a connection to one of them. With the other one I became close friends and we went to a festival and to Spain together. It was a great time, in a different surrounding with different people. I started studying. Got to know people there and made friends with a girl who is my best friend today. I started a job at a coffee shop where I met some girls who also grew very close to me. Another period of time, different people, different parties, a different lifestyle. A completely different challenge. At some point we had to dissolve the flat share.


photo by Dennis Janßen (Instagram: @itsjanssen)

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As I had to move out and move the third time, I got to know two guys who wanted to establish a flat share. On the weekend I went out with them two times and we decided to move together. We found a beautiful apartment very close to the city center, found another girl to move in with us and a new period started. Again: different people with different friends, a completely different surrounding and unprecedented events. Sometimes I think the reason why I’m not in contact with all my friends from time periods before is that I didn’t really have a choice but dive into that new “world” and fully embrace it. Sometimes people just vanished, as I may have vanished for them. But don’t get me wrong – first, it’s just normal to let people go their own way and let them do their thing. Sometimes you’ll find your way back to each other. But you can never be friends with all your friends forever. That’s how it is! Second, the really important ones will make it by your side. An era with a different feeling started; I really settled in the city and had people around me who I really trusted and belonged to.

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I tried out different jobs, different circles of friends, my interests and hobbies changed, or, became clear.With my roommates I had a great time, especially at the beginning, but they didn’t have a solid circle of friends so they often did things together when I was with different friends or my boyfriend at that time. I somehow got an unintentional and  inconspicuous but present distance. Everyday life at university passed by, weekend trips and travels passed by, and then I went to Hawai’i for a semester abroad. (About that you can read lots in my Hawaii posts.) That passed by too. Now I’m here, got to know the most beautiful human who moved to Cologne for me and I’m starting a new time period again. A new job again. The person I love by my side, a new apartment, my very first own one. Exciting. And this time too, I’m a little scared. I learned to like this kind of fear within the past years. It just shows you that despite that fear, you want to know what’s on the other side. You go for it, you do what you would do without having fear. Except that fear is ubiquitous. And that makes you grow, and curious about all the other things you are scared of – and leads you on the best way.


photo by Lukas Piel (Instagram: myname_is_lukas)

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I don’t want to sound like a heavy-handed amateurish advisor, but let me tell you one thing: Try out different flats, roommates, parties, jobs, hobbies and whatever. Get to know as many people as you can – which doesn’t mean to leave your friends behind. Mixing up circles of friends resolves into more friends and different experiences. I’m absolutely in love with Cologne, and it’s the only big city I lived in so far, but I’m totally convinced that a city is only as good as the people you hang out with. Without them, nothing is fun. Nothing challenges you, nothings makes you angry or happy. Give everyone a chance. Not everyone shows their real face when you get to know them. It’s beautiful to learn which facets complete a personality and friends can complete your own personality, too. And I also think your friends become part of your identity. Especially when I was abroad studying in Hawaii I noticed that my friends, all these different people of different time frames, shaped the person I am today. Each time you get into a relationship with someone, they bring something new to you, and you leave something for them.

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photo by Frieder Helmig (Instagram: @friedercarlo)

Before this post gets too long, let me say what my point actually was: just do whatever you feel like is right for you in this moment. If you doubt a decision, and you’re not sure what to do, you eventually just have to go for it to leave behind that thought that knocks on your door again and again. When you’ve done it, you’ll feel relieved and you will know it was the best thing to do. Maybe just to learn that it was the wrong decision, but that makes something more clear, doesn’t it? To know what you don’t want is better than not knowing what you want. I wasn’t always a self conscious person. I doubted everything, was unsure and insecure about every step in my life. I never knew if it was the right thing to take a job, quit it, move in, move out or study. But wouldn’t you want to have tried instead of still having that thought back in your head? The only thing stopping you is yourself – so just go for it. A lot of people like to stay in their comfort zone just because it’s easier. You don’t put yourself in all these thoughts, doubts and stress of changing certain things in your life. But these people miss out on something that perhaps might change their life. The tiniest decision can pull you in a completely different situation – which you may like more than the one before.

Moving the fourth time is also a decision for me: a confession of love and the decision to settle for Cologne. It’s the city I want to live in the next years for sure. Of course I could have always tried out a different place, but my gut tells me this, right now, is the right thing for me and I can’t wait for my next period starting – which is tomorrow. You should try too. I bet you won’t regret it 🙂

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photo by Frieder Helmig (Instagram: @friedercarlo)

RackBuddy | Advertisement

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Almost 4 years ago I got a job in Cologne and moved away from my home town. I lived in 2 different flats with several different people until I set up my own flat share with two guys and a girl I met. I finally wanted to move into a flat big enough to have sufficiently space for eating and hanging around with friends. Which is – if you have experience with the living situation in Cologne – pretty hard. The apartment market is awful. We didn’t really know each other but moved together in a beautiful flat in the city center. The only thing I had to accept: I got the smallest room. 11.5 square meters in which I had to fit a bed, table, and something to store my clothes. Whatever way I moved things around, it always looked super squeezed and uncomfortable. A couple of weeks ago I decided to make my own tiny room more beautiful! There had to be a way where both would be possible: aesthetic and enough space. I bought plants, cases of wine and threw away a lot of unnecessary stuff.

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Last month I stumbled upon RackBuddy while scrolling through feed on Instagram. It’s a start up from Denmark created in 2013 – a customizable wardrobe made out of water pipes. The idea behind it is that a clothes rack can be more than just that. It “can be a piece of furniture shaping the identity of its owner’s home”. Often we attach great importance to furniture like chairs, beds or lamps. Why wouldn’t you also want to have a wardrobe that fits the look of your home? It brings along something kind of industrial and grave, but has a gently and perfectly plain appearance at the same time. When my RackBuddy arrived I got involved in the design process: it’s a minimalistic and simple item that gives you the possibility to apply and decorate it just the way you like.

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The campaign of RackBuddy has the slogan “Design. Build. Make it Yours.” which reflects the thought of creating something. I like how it’s not ready when it arrives at your place, you have to build it up and make it your own. I decided to get the RackBuddy Wild Bill Elliot Silver. For a longer time I was looking for a wardrobe where I could hang up long coats in winter but also have place to store short jackets and shirts. The knob on the side is perfect to put on bags or scarfs. Because its pretty high (210 cm) it doesn’t consume too much space in my tiny room.

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My result? I couldn’t be any happier with my new buddy. It really changed the look of my room and I finally feel at home in 11.5 square meters. RackBuddy is a simple solution which also gives you the opportunity to make it individual.

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My studies or why I do what I do

In the past couple of weeks my main focus in life started to be on my graphic design studies again. Not that it wasn’t that important before, but the more this semester took it’s course, the more serious (and stressful) it got. I received several messages with people asking about my art, what I study, why I study, what I like about it or if I would recommend it. That’s why I’m writing this blogpost, and maybe it’s not even a bad idea to tell you what I’m doing and why I’m doing it – I guess that’s pretty much who I am and as I said before, my main focus in life right now.

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Why did you decide to study graphic design?

During High School I discovered that I’m neither very talented in science, nor in languages. I’ve never been passionate about anything but art. I planned on studying fine art after graduating from school. At first I finished my apprenticeship as a dressmaker at home and moved to Cologne where I got a job as a flight attendant. I worked for a German airline for about a year – but I knew when I started that it was just some transition before studying. I had a fun time, got more self consciousness, met some people who still are my best friends today and made good money for traveling. I applied for fine art at Central Saint Martins College in London. I didn’t get in. It was my first attempt to get into university and I was disappointed – now I know this college is highly regarded and only the best of the best get a place to study there. I wasn’t ready in any way to study in London but it was a dream I’ve had for a longer time. In the meanwhile I also got interested in design and applied for graphic and communication design at HMKW (the name of my university) in Cologne – somehow I didn’t want to leave this city again and design seemed to be a better option to get a job in the future.


One of my Aquarelle Illustrations

What are your studies about?

The name of my study program is graphic design and visual communication. It’s definitely not only about design; there really are no borders between media design, communication design and graphic design, just main aspects that are dedicated to one of these subjects. I took classes in photography, art history, press, print, entertainment law, 3D and motion design, film, illustration and drawing, app design, color studies and communication. It’s important to learn various things of this broad range of subjects because every one connects to the other ones. For example, working with photography taught me things I can apply when working with cooperate or UX design. If you’re interested in studying the same you should be interested in all kinds of creative fields that design can offer. It’s ok if one of these subjects is ineligible for you, for me it definitely is 3D and motion design, but a certain curiosity to try new things is required.


A poster I made in university

Do you like studying?

I absolutely love what I do – but it has not always been like that. When I started studying about two years ago, I wasn’t sure if I’m into it. Having a creative mind was in my opinion not something that is controllable. I was creative whenever I felt like it and amazing things resolved out of that. In university it was unfamiliar being permanently under pressure to produce creative and decent works in a short space of time. There were some hurdles I had to overcome, but the good thing is that gradually you learn what it actually means to be creative, you get taught how to encourage creativity and how to cope with stressful situations. I have these moments where a deadline is near and I didn’t even start working because nothing I do satisfies me and I feel lost having not even one good idea. This also teaches you time management. You see, I learned a lot of things and there probably also are things I learned I’m not even conscious about. There are some people that say being educated in creative fields like graphic design shouldn’t take place in university but as an apprenticeship – I don’t have any empirical value in that but I can tell you that my studies are more than practical and I feel more and more prepared and ready to work in that business in a couple of years.


A children’s book I made at my illustration class

And what about your art?

I get a lot of messages from people asking me about my illustrations and what material I use. First, my illustrations have nothing to do with my studies but here and there I can make use of them. Funnily enough, there is nothing special about my materials. My grandma used to paint and she gave me all her old Aquarelle colors: I only have this one set of colors from “Schmincke” – I guess they’re over 30 years old but still work perfectly. I buy my paper, pencils (Faber Castell) and fineliners (waterproof, 0.3 mm diameter) at an ordinary stationary where you can get all kinds of office supplies. I outline my motive with a pencil, use the fineliner to sketch the final and color it in with Aquarelle. One thing is really important when starting to paint: Don’t be afraid. Just paint! Don’t think about how untalented you are, if something might go wrong, or if it will look good in the end. I promise you, if it’s not you – someone else will like it! In art there is no instruction, there are no rules or guidelines to follow. Just let yourself drift in the flow of colors.



Why searching for someone is self- defeating

If you read my latest blogpost “how dating evolved into nonsense“ you got an idea what my opinion about (online) dating these days is and how I feel about the evolution of getting to know someone -I think falling in love lost some magic. It wasn’t supposed to be a post which puts a wrong complexion on dating, but there definitely were some things that had to be said and I got interesting comments and feedback on it. Apparently I’m not the only one regretting this development – one reason why I wanted to continue this thought in a second blogpost.
Since I’m back in Germany days and especially weekends seem to mold together, sometimes I can’t reconstruct my days, and some nights out with friends seem to be identical to other nights. However, one night a couple of weeks ago I was dancing in a club with friends, dawn was about to come and I was tired. I left my friends and was on my way home, waiting in the subway station, when an advertisement catched my eye. It was a poster on the opposite side of the platform claiming “You can’t find your prince charming? Just draw one for yourself!“. I looked up the advertisement on the internet. It’s a book about a girl hopelessly searching for her prince. She draws one and the next day the prince turns into a real person. Sounds like a funny story, but it wasn’t the story that made me think about the book. It was the way the advertisement presented the book. The statement “you can’t find your prince?“ implies that we should or have to look for someone. To me it sounds like a task each woman has to fulfill: find the prince. And then? Life makes sense? Love makes sense? Is life a task of finding love? Is it only a task for woman? Do we have to look for our prince, work for it, fight for it? All these questions popped up in my head. And as I thought about these questions, I more and more noticed how not only advertisements like this one want to tell society and especially woman that we have to begin the search for somebody. It’s love stories, hollywood movies, tv spots and advertising in general. It’s easy to tout with love as we are emotional beings. Love will always catch us. Of course, love is one of the most beautiful and most important things in this world, but is it wrong to presume that it shouldn’t be a cramped, unsatisfactory search? It sounds like being without a prince is less worthy that being with one, or in other words, finding a prince makes you happy, and if you don’t find him your simply unhappy. In my opinion, looking desperately for something never results into actually finding something, or at least not into a satisfactory result. And this connects to my thoughts about dating; using dating apps as Tinder should support us to get to know people, but in the end it just makes love unemotional, superficial and disposable.

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Thinking about my girlfriends, most of them are single and from time to time they date guys. But they constantly are in contact with guys. Talking about them, and of course also about myself, it feels like we have to be in contact with a possible prince to have an opportunity, an option. Maybe we all are unconsciously looking for someone or “the prince“? Realizing this shocked me, because I didn’t see myself in this search of “the one“ or the prince. Maybe we all actually are, because advertisements tell us to do so every day. Are we getting manipulated in our emotions and goals in life?
I think that my generation definitely doesn’t have to find the prince right now. We’re theoretically adults, but practically not at all – we party, we do stupid things, we are on our way to find out who we really are. How should we get to know someone for forever, when we don’t even know ourselves? Thinking about girls in my generation, let’s say at an young age of 18 or 19, some of them settle for relationships that don’t fulfill them, but they do it anyways because they’re afraid of not meeting someone else. Better to be with someone, than with no one – right? You could almost call it pressure to look for and find someone. Because they’re way too young to define themselves, to know what they’re goals in life are, or what they really stand for, they define themselves with their partner in a relationship, which is, at least in my opinion, most of the times a subordinate, very dependent one. Compensating issues or questions you can’t answer with another person was never a good idea. But we still do so. Why?

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It feels like we define ourselves and our identity with another person, who, basically, doesn’t have to do anything with our beliefs. Why even talk about another half, when we can and should be both halves, a whole in one person? We feel like we have to find someone until it’s too late, and this pressure of “finding“ is unconsciously introduced way too early. A contradiction in terms. We see ourselves as weird unlovable individuals if we’re not in a relationship, we question if maybe something is just wrong with us. Why can’t we find this soulmate, prince, or fairy tale person? We’re actually not ready for this person at all, because we’re not fully in love with ourselves, we’re under pressure to look for someone; we have a fragment of life experience but already think we need to finish the chapter of finding “the one“. I don’t want to judge people thinking this way, society implanted this thought in their head, and I  caught myself having the same thoughts – until I realized how important self love is. Everyone talks about loving yourself first, but the fewest actually practice it. Especially during my semester abroad in Hawai’i I got to know myself way better than ever before. On the opposite side of the world, thousands of kilometers away from home and everything I used to identify myself with, I found myself more than in any other surrounding. Isn’t that contradictory too? Neither my hometown, nor my family or my friends could give me this cause of thought of defining myself – but myself, being just with myself. It’s important to understand that we don’t need anyone else to get to know ourselves, and even more important: to love ourselves. I’m not saying it’s easy, but start to spend more time with just yourself and you will realize a lot of things you did not before. Being away from home made me discover different sides of my personality, it made me experience myself in ways I never saw myself before. Personality is always in transition, it never stays the same. Just accept this as a fact; you will never be the same person for forever, in this great, complex world we change every day. But the time to focus on yourself is now, don’t let any presumable “prince“ tell you who you are, don’t ever let yourself be defined by people talking about you, and never stop to get to know yourself. Some day, when you know who you are and what you stand for, you’ll be ready for it.

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How dating evolved into nonsense

It’s been quite a while that I’ve been thinking about this topic, and as well a long long time I’ve been talking to friends or even exchanging opinions about this with strangers – and at this point I feel like I want to talk about it in public. And the good things is, I know that everyone else does, too. We all are affected by it. It’s not that I didn’t want to publish it before, it’s that I feel like now, at this point, I finally finished or completed my personal opinion about it – whether it’s due to experiences, or to courage that I acknowledged myself to stand for something. Not even due to my private circumstances right now, mainly due to circumstances that friends are in at the moment. I want to talk about dating. About love in a broader sense. Because that’s what dating should be about, right? And that’s exactly where confusion starts: Nowadays, at least most of the time, it isn’t even about love anymore. It’s about self-affirmation, senseless cat- and mouse games and group pressure.


But let’s start somewhere else. A few weeks ago I came back to Germany, excited about a new semester of university starting. New opportunities, new friends, new challenges. One of my classes in school deals with brands, marketing strategies and advertising. My professor presented the app Tinder. It’s an app that got popular in a very short time using a simple strategy and handling. People from all over the world download it on their smartphone, and each one of us understands what a red cross or a green heart means. And we all know what it is about. I won’t explain what this app aims at in detail because I’m pretty sure each person reading this right now knows, and if not, their friends can explain it to her or him.

However, my professor asked us if someone could explain how to use the app. Silence. Not even one person raised their hand. And every person in this room had the exact same thought: Well, I know how to use it, I already did before, but I’m to shy or embarrassed to admit that I use or have been using this app. Some seconds of awkward silence passed. After quite a while a girl raised her hand. Her wording reads as follows. “I’m not sure but, uhh, I guess, uhh, the red cross means a no and the green heart a yes? And, uhh, I guess then you can contact this person and chat?” Of course she’s right. But not because she’s a good guesser, simply because she knows. Which made me start thinking about why she used so many “uhhs” and why we never admit using it, and if we do, we still get some weird silent glances telling “Wow that’s so uncool”. Bullshit!img20171022_21115206-1.jpg

I think the digitalization, the internet, dating apps, and online dating in general is a great opportunity. I actually know a few couples that met through online dating or social media. But it may bring something sad with it for sure; we always know what the other person is doing right in this moment, whether we gain knowledge of it through Instagram, Facebook or WhatsApp. We definitely lost the tension of being excited to see someone, to hear about all that has been going on in their life for the past couple of hours, days, months or even years. We visualize their life before we even heard their subjective opinion. We judge, before we know the details; before we know the truth. We create our own truth. That’s how misunderstandings are made. We are updated, almost every single minute every day. We know where the other person is. We know who he or she is hanging out with, we know if they had some beers or some superfood in the new vegan store that just opened in town. We know what size their jeans is. We know what food their dog eats. We even know how people talk, without ever meeting them before. We feel like we have an insight in a life of a person which actually is a stranger to us. And we wouldn’t say Hi if we meet them by chance in real life. We won’t call someone we like and arrange a meeting, because there is nothing we don’t know, we are super spontaneous, act as we’re super straightforward and hang out for a few minutes to smoke a cigarette or drink a beer on the corner. Most of the time, we don’t meet someone for the first time and go out for dinner, because we’ve set up that appointment a week before, no, we meet someone to give them a little insight in our life which they already know too much about.


Besides, not only online dating has changed. Of course I haven’t been dating someone 10 years ago, because I was way too young, and 25 years ago I didn’t even exist. But maybe just because of online dating, regular dating has changed as well. The world gets more connected every second. There are myriad opportunities to get to know people you usually would never be able to meet. Why not start chatting with someone thousands of kilometers away? Why not? You can. And as I said before, that’s great. But it’s also a trap. We meet someone, are attracted by outer appearances (a non virtual red cross or green heart), tell ourselves yes or no, and then we hang out. Even if it’s for a cigarette or a hallo and goodbye at some party. A decade ago, you wanted to get to know someones personality and someones flaws before you meet them. Today it’s so easy to arrange a meeting. If you use a pretense, and both attendees know it actually is a pretense, who cares. You check out if there are some similarities, and then you think ” wow, it really fits”. You cheat on yourself. But that’s all it takes. Because as soon as you realize some discrepancies, you just have to open your app decorated with a little flame, and you’ll find something smarter, prettier, or wittier. People, or dates, are disposable. We’re given the opportunity to run away as soon as a tiny voice inside of us tells us “I don’t like that”. And we train this voice to an extent that is unhealthy. Is it wrong to presume that dating now may be easier, but was better when we didn’t have the chance to simply exchange our dates?img20171022_21110776-2.jpg

And now to the actual thing. If we (finally) found someone we really like, more than liking someone in a superficial way, we’re still so affected by the disposal or exchangeability and the way dating functions these days, that we are scared to really show our feelings. In my experience, and also the experience of a couple of friends (guys and girls!), it’s not appropriate to act what your heart tells you to act like. To be emotional. As said, we’re straightforward, cold hearted, very rational and sometimes even heartless. That’s what we act like, because we’re scared. And our inner world looks completely different. We’re scared to make a mistake, to be less smart, less pretty or less witty than someone else. We’re aware of the easy exchange happening around us every day. And I don’t think that we leave less impression on someone we first meet for that cigarette or beer, I really think the fear of being less impressive actually makes us less impressive. Fear is powerful, and being thrown in this digitalized world of online dating affects us even if we don’t want to, even if you’re someone of the rare persons that didn’t touch the app, somehow you can’t escape this influence that took over the most human thing we know: dating, and in the end, love.

If someone shows you how much they like you, you automatically don’t like them them that much anymore. If someone doesn’t show you that much appreciation, or let’s say “love”, you automatically like them better. It’s a hunting game. Or well-known: You want what you can’t have. And as long as you can swipe right all the time, you’ll continue to play a cat- and mouse game that makes you want more in an endless loop, but dulls you at the same time. It’s kind of like gambling; if you were honest to yourself you’ll lose with a chance of 99%, but these tiny 1% won’t disappear from your head. And these tiny 1% will tell you, maybe unconscious, this person is great, but how do I know if there isn’t something better? Someone smarter, prettier, or wittier?img20171022_21115206 (2)

And this thought won’t disappear. In my opinion, there are two different ways you fall in love with someone. I definitely experienced falling in love with someone at first sight. Sure, it’s about outer appearances, but maybe about a little more. If it would only be about outer appearances, probably most of us could fall in love with a stranger in the subway every other day. However, I also believe there is a second way of falling in love with someone. Sometimes you get to know a person, and don’t realize their full appearance or magic at first sight. Sometimes, you know a person for a while and all of a sudden you fall in love. Sometimes, in a petty moment this person is doing something hilarious, or this person smiles, or fights for some extra cheese on their pizza – whatever. I experienced both ways. And I think the way dating evolved through the possibilities of the internet and fast pace in general, we abolished the second way.

Either you fall in love with someone right away, which I would consider as very rare, or you run away from someone as soon as you don’t like a tiny piece of personality or looks. Which burries getting to know someone and falling in love with flaws. To summarize, that makes it pretty difficult to fall in love, right? I could write an endless novel about this topic, and there actually are so many more things I have to say – about monogamy, the (or my) truth about love and dating. But I think for now you got my hint and maybe you’ll think about this when dating the next person you like. I really hope dating becomes more personal and irreplaceable in the future, and if it does, it’s on us as an individual to have a certain attitude towards it. Get to know the real person, not only the surface or their life they represent on social media. Go out in the world, and get to know someone way more than just their Tinder profile. It’s worth it, I promise.